I Want Marriage
Happy Halloween
I had two lectures for the same class today. That was fun….
I want to get married
I want to get married. Not right now, but some day. I remember when I was a little girl though, I would say, “No marriage for me. No kids for me.” I don’t know what changed, but that’s not how I feel anymore.
I do want to get married. I do want to have a nice husband to go home to. I do want to have kids some day (poor kids).
However, I’m scared. Not about marriage, but about divorce. Over 50% of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. My parents are divorced. My brother is getting divorced. Many of my friend’s parents are getting divorced.
Those are pretty scary odds to deal with.
And the question is: how do you know that you have found “the one”? How do you know that this guy that you’re with is the person that you can (no not should, but can) spend the rest of your life with?
The fact of the matter is that love doesn’t keep you together. It’s important, but it isn’t everything. Love doesn’t say that you can depend on that person. Love doesn’t say that when things get tough, you can stick it out together. Love doesn’t say that it will be ok.
The only thing that love says is that you will want to try. Not that you can try to make it work, but you will want to try to make it work. Sadly, love isn’t forever. It can be strong, right now. It can be strong 20 years from now. But, in 21 years, it can go, and you can start to hate, or just love someone else.
My parents were together for over 20 years. They were married for 19 years. But, now they hate each other. There’s no love there at all. What happened to it? Who knows? The only thing that I know is that the best thing that ever happened to my mom was getting divorced from my dad. And I still love the guy.
The worst part is that no matter how hard you do try, it can still fail. There are no perfect marriages. Everyone has their ups and downs. And if you are in Hollywood, you’re also under scrutiny, and your chances of survival are even worse.
10 Comments
I think what keeps ppl together is really communication and a willingness to understanding of one another. my bf and i of 5 years recently broke up and although we still love each other we really dont communicate very well. i think thats what holds marriage together.
it surprises me to hear that your parents married after 19 years are getting a divorce. thats really scary for them, but if they’re happier w/o each other, i guess its the right thing. its hard for me to get over a 5 year relationship- i cant image getting over a 19 year marriage.
for me, i dont think i’ve ever really dreamed of getting married, not even to my ex. maybe its because i still feel really young and maybe i am afraid of the commitment and responsibilities. who knows? I wish you and your family good luck
I agree with Julia entirely, you need to talk and be very understanding of your significant other. You each also need to make personal sacrifices I feel. But the rewards is the regular buzz of ‘happy/pleasure chemicals’ in the brain, whether its from the high of the honeymoon period, or the stream of satisfaction of being in a stable, happy relationship.
I’ve got a somewhat fairy-tale outlook of marriage. I’d like to get married when I’m good and ready. I don’t want to end up like my parent who got divorced after ten years of marriage.
But then again, are human beings designed to be with one person forever more?
I feel exactly the same way! When I was younger I said that I never wanted to get married or have kids, but when you get older - that’s exactly what you want. But Im really scared too of course - everything can go so wrong…
My parents have been divorced for about 4 or 5 years. My brother is getting divorced, after less than 3 years of marriage.
I agree Julia. Communication is the key. It’s not simple to develop, but it is necessary. Without it, you’ll never survive.
Lets see if I can leave comment now.
My parents are divorced too after 12 years of marriage, but their story is not averige so I completely support their divorce.
I don’t think you should look at the stats in everything. Everyone lives a different life and sure, maybe a lot of people get divorced, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you will too.
I also think trust and communication are very important in a working relationship.
I agree, stats aren’t everything, but they do show a recurring trend. If the average is great, that generally means that you have a greater chance of being average.
I think that marriage will come when it comes, and you’ll know the right time when it is the right time.
Am I making any sense?
Anyhow, till then, there is no point worrying about it, or divorce or kids. I always figure, live life for today. The future will take care of itself
Yes, communication is the key. I do believe that (yay for me being a communication student, lol). I guess I have nothing more to say, as your other commenters have written what I want to say.
But then, it’s the opposite for me. I’ve always wanted to get married, but suddenly now I don’t believe in marriage anymore. I don’t know what happened, but maybe it’s the fact that my parent’s marriage fell apart just like that (we’re still intact as a “family” though, meaning we all live together). Divorce isn’t offered here in our country; only annulment is (oh, and legal separation), and it’s pretty expensive and one heck of a long process. Yes, I do know what you mean about that if it’s the average, there’s a chance that you’ll be in the average. But I guess it’s also how you and your partner would handle your relationship. I’ve seen people happily married for over 50 years. They’ve been through heaven and hell just to save their relationship. Trust, respect, and communication, they say.
Sorry, I’m blabbering. But if you’re not happy with each other anymore, why sacrifice a great deal and be with each other any longer (that is, if you don’t have kids)? People change.
Everything you do in life can backfire and take an unexpected turn. If you go into marriage with the idea that it might change in 21 years than you’re not ready to get married.
You should marry someone with the idea that you’ll spend the rest of your life with that person. There are no guarantees that it will work out that of course but stepping into anything in life with a negative outlook isn’t going to get you anywhere.
I just can’t understand that loving someone so much can turn into hate when nothing has happened (abuse, cheating etc) after all you saw something good and wonderful in that person at some point in time.
However that doesn’t mean that you should stay together if there really isn’t anything there anymore. I just feel that a lot of people get divorced so quickly without even trying to work out their differences. Especially since divorce is so ‘easy’ these days.
I find it ridiculous that there is even divorce. It gives people the idea that marriage is not a permanent thing. That it’s just for when you feel like it then when you don’t you can always separate. Marriage is forever. I think it should be drilled into people that this really means STUCK. TOGETHER. FOREVER!! Mwahaha! Ok, so I don’t want it to come off as a bad thing, but if someone isn’t ready to be with someone forever and ever and feels uncomfortable with the idea of being with only one person for the rest of their lives, then they are obviously not ready for marriage. And marriage is not all about love, because love, or being in love with that person, will come and go. You need more than that. There should be mutual goals, passions, something more than love that hold you both together. Marriage should really be seen as a serious thing, because it is.